Something I haven't really talked about too in depth on my blog is my battle with depression. Well, I'm not even sure if it can be classified as depression, to be honest. It's a feeling I've had for ages that comes and goes, like a looming dark cloud that follows me around. It's a feeling of being down and of being hopeless. Sounds bad, right? The thing is, it's not all the time. I'm usually pretty peachy and then out of nowhere this feeling creeps up.
A lot of this stems from previous relationships. I went from being in an abusive relationship to one of the most loving I've ever had, then BAM -- he dumped me. I felt so abandoned when he left, and I felt like I was worthless. He didn't want to work things out, and was out the door. Any of you who've been blind-sided and dumped know this feeling. Nowadays I only view him as a friend, I wouldn't even consider Round 3 with him (we dated in high school too).
That feeling of worthlessness has extended into other areas of my life, including when it comes to my diet and exercise. I won't go into detail at the moment, but it's been a rough road. Again, it's not all the time, but when it hits it's bad.
That feeling of worthlessness has extended into other areas of my life, including when it comes to my diet and exercise. I won't go into detail at the moment, but it's been a rough road. Again, it's not all the time, but when it hits it's bad.
Fast forward a few months: I'm seeing a great guy with whom I have so much in common, I have an amazing job at my dream company, my own place (with ridiculously noisy neighbours -.- ), a beautiful smart son, and yet periodically I still have this shitty, depressed feeling. What the fuck?!
So, I've decided to do something. I've decided to focus on myself and learn to love myself again. This sounds like it should just be natural, but sometimes it isn't. We live in a society where feeling shitty about ourselves is very commonplace.
I'm done with that.
About a month ago I started getting into Gala Darling's blog. I started downloading chapters of her Love & Sequins e-book, and you know what? This girl has hit the nail on the head. She knows what she's talking about when it comes to learning to love and accept yourself, and I find that pretty damn encouraging.
Since then I've enrolled in her Radical Self Love Bootcamp, and everyday it challenges you to do something positive in your life. One thing I do now is write a Gratitude List daily of the things I'm grateful for. They're small measures, but they add up.
And you know what?
It's helping me disperse this dark cloud. I won't go into the details just yet. Give me another 30 days to let you know how much RSLB has changed my outlook, but I can predict sunshine in the forecast.
And you know what?
It's helping me disperse this dark cloud. I won't go into the details just yet. Give me another 30 days to let you know how much RSLB has changed my outlook, but I can predict sunshine in the forecast.
So, I just wanted to reach out to anyone out there who has a similar dark cloud -- YOU'RE NOT ALONE. Trust me on that. I'm still struggling with mine some days. It takes time, it takes a lot of positive thinking, but you can beat it. It's a daily struggle for me some days, but I know I have the power to kick it, and so can you.
Later gators,
Later gators,
~E
17 comments:
Completely relate to this post hun and I too adore Gala Darling's blog. She has a way of making me feel so good about myself and I've been thinking of downloading her Bootcamp for a while. It makes me SO happy that you're fighting against these feelings - You're Amazing! <3 xoxo
Thank you for sharing about your struggles with depression. I have depression too and it is a difficult battle to fight. I think your plan sounds great and am looking forward to reading how it goes.
Thanks for sharing the links too, I will check them out.
sending love and good wishes, C
I think that is awesome. Depression is hard, and I think what you are doing is amazing and you are a very strong woman for it.
Good for you! I joined RSLB when it first started, but then sort of fell of the wagon. I do go back to it regularly, I just don't make as much time for it as when I first started (and I couldn't keep up with the forums--I have enough online distraction to sift through as it is). I've been a big fan of Gala since I stumbled across her site a couple years ago. Best of luck with the RSL stuff. :)
I think you have such a great attitude and perspective and hope soon that dark cloud will be but a distant memory.
And being grateful for the little things is such a great thing--I always think it allows you to be truly happy
hey mama! thanks for posting this, its like your writing about my life. i know exactly how you feel, especially when you spoke about going from an abusive relationship to a great guy then that sinking feeling of abandonment. i'm in that pit right now, trying to pull myself up. its nice to know that there's people out there that can relate! keep it real lady, i'm cheering you on! <3
xo. holly
This is fucking rad! I am so glad you enrolled! I'm proud of you!!!! Thanks for sharing too, as I'm sure a lot more of us should check it out. You're a peach Miss E, and don't you forget it ;)
Tone xo
I cannot begin to explain to you how much I relate to this post. I have depression as well, normally I am a very happy person but there are times when I can be in a heap on the floor crying my eyes out. I had an emotionally abusive relationship with a guy for almost four years and haven't really had good relationships since. I got into Gala's website a few years ago and it has helped me sooo much! Good luck on the bootcamp. I know its helped me (and I'm not all the way through).
~Brit
www.brittany-sims.com
I know exactly what you mean about realizing how awesome life is and then all of a sudden having that dark cloud. I go through the exact same thing. My cousin has talked about Gala and the RSLB, I may have to really look into! Thank you for sharing xoxox
I loved this post so much. It was nice to see something to honest and real. I can definitely relate to the whole depression thing - for different reasons but they're similar. I definitely need to look into self love and acceptance and be grateful for the small things.
I wish I could convince my husband to do something like this. He refers to it as his 'shit cloud'.
I feel ya. I have days like that. Hang in there and we're all here for you! xo!
Thank you for sharing this! I am sorry that you have dark periods like that, but in a slightly perverted way it somehow helps me to realize that I am not the only person in the world who suffers from feeling low. I am really glad for you that you have started on a journey that will hopefully let you leave the gloom behind! Wishing you all the best! You go, Girl!
I so feel the same about this. The Radical Self Love Bootcamp sounds great, I wish I could afford that :(
Erin, I missed this post earlier, but I can relate to the things you have said..I won't go into detail of course, as it's rather very personal stuff...but it's shakeable and keep on working with yourself!
I know exactly how you feel, everything seems to be working out well for me right now yet I still feel so blah :( I think it is partly down to a lack of vitamin D as I don't see the sunlight very much at the moment. I have started taking vitamin D3 tablets and they seem to be making me much better already :) I do like the sound of the self love bootcamp and I am glad you are starting to feel better in your self. Keep smiling lovely one <3
Good on you for being open about this. When people open up, it makes so many others realize that they're going through something totally normal - and survivable.
You recognize all the wonderful things in your life, and that's so important. Your motivation, that little angel, and the fantastic new man in your life will all be there for you. Thank you for being so open - sending happy thoughts your way! :D
- Lindsay
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